Because you are my precious

Alhamdulillah for the past first trimester. My first trimester was not really good. Morning sickness almost everyday. Morning, afternoon, night. Until I felt like to give up. It's not easy. Really not easy. My husband not around because we are in a long distance relationship. The moment I need him by my side, I just keep telling myself 'be strong and don't cry'. But the fact was I cried a lot. I just don't want him to feel guilty and worried about my condition. He is working there. Working so hard to give us a better life. I will not complaining at all because my husband is the best husband I ever have. He is a perfect husband and really taking care of me very well.

Dear Allah, I'm stay strong because of you. I love my baby so much. I kept telling my baby to be strong and stay healthy. Please help me being strong for my baby. Please help to make sure my baby grow very well. Please guide us through our journey together.

Dear my precious baby, please keep strong for me. I'm sorry if I make you sick for the past first trimester. I will fighting for you. I will keep strong and and always be healthy for you. Be a good baby inside me. I love you so much my dear baby.  We will make it. InsyaAllah. Let's fighting together my dear baby.

He

He is someone that I love so much
Someone that I knew will take a good care of me
I love him since the first day I met him
And deep in my heart I wish he will be my love forever


He is the one that I pray
In every single prayer for him to be my husband
I love him every single seconds of my life
Love that I can't deny at all


He is my love
The only one that I love
For the past seven years
I wish he know how strong my love for him


I miss him so much
From the first day we met each other
And the feelings never ever reduce
Until now and forever

Once

As you shifting
You will begin to realize
You are not the same person you used to be


The things you used to tolerate have now become intolerable
Where you once remained quiet you are now speaking your truth
Where you once battled and argued you are now choosing to remain silent


You are beginning to understand the value of your voice
And there are some situations that no longer deserve your time, energy and focus

That Weird Feeling

It's strange.


Since yesterday, I keep thinking. Actually what is my actual feelings? Then, I realized that I don't have any feeling at all.


Normally, when I'm thinking on something, it's either mad or sad. I can be really mad or I can cry a lot. But now, none. I don't feel anything. Nothing. This is weird. Really weird.


I don't feel sad. I don't feel mad. I don't feel frustrated either feel happy at all. None. Totally nothing.


Then, I realized this is the same feeling that I felt 7 years ago. Exactly the same feeling. Feeling of losing everything.


Now, there is one thing that keep coming in my mind. Who will be the one who grasp my hand tightly? Is it still you?

Different

You and me
We are different
I'm scared

I'm Scared

I'm scared. Really scared when I heared that voice. My heart beat fast and my body shacking a lot. I'm totally scared. But, how should I inform him?

Ya Allah, please remove the fear from me.

Ketakutan

Melihat namanya tertera
Ada bermacam rasa
Perasaan itu berubah
Menjadi satu ketakutan
Yang berpanjangan

Melihat namanya tertera
Terasa nadi terhenti seketika
Darah tidak mengalir
Kerana ketakutan itu
Menguasai diri

Satu persatu bicara
Terimbas di pandangan mata
Cuba untuk dilupakan ia
Namun tidak berjaya
Kerana ketakutan mengatasi segalanya

Mungkin saja semuanya
Tidak seperti sediakala
Mungkin saja perlukan masa
Untuk mencuba redakan ia
Perasaan yang melanda dalam jiwa

Mungkin saja
Kerana ia sangat terkesan
Dalam jiwa
Sehingga tidak mampu
Untuk dilepaskan dari minda

Sungguh
Ada rasa sesak dalam dada
Ada rasa pedih tidak terhingga
Cukup buat diri
Tidak mampu lagi berkata-kata

Kiss The Rain

 Keep listening to this song since yesterday as I really need it so much. I need the relaxing, peaceful and calm song in my mind. Don't want to think of anything for a while. Perhaps I should go for hiatus for a while.

Aku dan Kamu

Entah kenapa aku rindu melihat wajah dia. Melihat dia, aku terasa tenang. Aku rasa bahagia. Aku rasa gembira. Setiap tutur katanya buat aku teringin untuk hentikan waktu. Dari saat aku berada di hadapannya tidak jemu-jemu aku mencuri pandang untuk melihat dia. Aku tahu dia perasan kerana dia seringkali cuba untuk melarikan wajahnya. Sengaja aku biarkan dia dan temanku berbicara agar aku boleh terus memerhatikan dia. Wajah itu terus segar dalam mindaku. Wajah itu terus terlakar dalam bayanganku. Aku rindu dia. Dia yang aku cinta dari dulu. Aku mohon agar dia yang pertama dan terakhir buatku. Akan aku sematkan nama dan wajahnya dalam hati dan fikiranku hingga ke hujung nafas terakhirku. Mencintai dia anugerah teristimewa untukku. Dia satu dalam berjuta. Tiada galang gantinya. Buat kamu, jangan pernah berhenti mencintaiku. Jangan pernah kamu lepaskan aku. Terima kasih kerana hadir dalam hidupku. Terima kasih.

Awk

I really miss my love one. Awk teman, awk sahabat, awk kekasih, awk cinta hati, awk segala-galanya buat sy. I do love you from beginning till the end.

7 Januari 2017

Sy tak pernah sangka hari ini akan tiba. Sy tak pernah sangka lelaki yang selama ini sy sayang akan pilih sy untuk jadi sebahagian dari hidup dia. Dari hari pertama awk lafazkan niat awk untuk jadikan sy isteri awk, jujur sy tak menaruh harapan. Sy takut sy akan dikecewakan sekali lagi.

Tapi awk yakinkan sy untuk menyayangi awk. Awk yakinkan sy untuk teruskan hubungan kita dengan sebaik-baiknya. Dan bila mana awk meminta izin untuk kedua ibu bapa kita bertemu, jujur sy kelu. Sy takut. Sy risau. Sy bimbang. Sy gementar. Tapi awk tenangkan sy dan alhamdulillah semuanya berjalan dengan lancar.

Awk. Sy tak akan pernah lupakan saat mak awk sarungkan cincin ke jari manis sy. Perasaan sy bercampur-baur. Sy takut dan dalam masa yang sama sy gembira. Sy takut sy tak mampu bahagiakan awk. Sy takut sy akan lukai awk. Tapi sy gembira kerana awk jadi sebahagian dari hidup sy.

Awk. Sy tak akan berjanji untuk mencintai awk selama-lamanya kerana hati manusia mudah berubah. Sy cuma mampu berjanji sy akan cuba yang terbaik dalam menjayakan hubungan kita. Awk cinta pertama sy. Sy mahu awk jadi cinta terakhir sy.

Moga Allah permudahkan perjalanan kita untuk menghalalkan hubungan ini. Moga kita berjaya mengharungi setiap dugaan dan cabaran selamanya.

Awk, please be my partner forever. Do love me without any regret. I love you for 7 years and InsyaAllah will love you forever.

Regards,

Your Fiancé